The Cross
by Twilight Archangel
Summary: My mouth and throat are dry, I want water. The sun burns me, I want mercy. I feel the whips hit my flesh. I hear the crowd laughing at me as I carry this Cross, humiliated and in agony, ready to be Crucified. I sob. And I wonder, Why ain't you here? Onesh


Inspired by the song: "The Cross" by Within Temptation.

* * *

_**The Cross**_

_Are you there?_

_I don't know, I never know anymore. _

_But, I don't think you are, because if you were here I wouldn't be here, I wouldn't be suffering, I wouldn't be crying for help, a cry that ends in deaf ears, a cry that no one listens but myself, and maybe even I don't hear it. My ears are deaf too, they are tired, they have been tired for a while._

_They were the first part of me that has fallen, that no longer work because of this intense pain, a pain I shouldn't be carrying. A pain that you left me to carry alone, and I still wonder why did you had to leave, why am I crying again for you._

_I can't get over you._

_My throat is sore, but so is my heart. I am thirsty; water has no reached my mouth in what it seemed years. Water is life. My throat has no water, my heart has no water. _

_My heart has no life._

_I can hear their whispers of fear as they see me; they think I'm a monster, someone that takes their water away. I am. But that water does not fulfills me, on the contrary, it makes me more thirsty, it makes me want more water, water that I cannot have._

_I can feel the sun over my naked back._

_The Sun burns me, my back, and my body. They complain about how they suffer, but do they suffer as much as I do? _

_The mighty sun and the lack of water makes me want to stop, but I can not, they are threatening me with spears, spears that want to stab me and shed my blood, I deserve to be wounded._

_But I don't want to be wounded._

_Still, they hurt me, and so do the whips._

_They whip my body, making me cry in pain as blood comes from the fresh wounds, blood that runs down a body and hit the sand._

_The sand is as thirsty as I am. But it want blood, I want water._

_I let out another grunt as the whips hits me once again. They say my whip is lethal, but that is not true._

_This whip is lethal, the one that is hurting my body, making it cry._

_And still, you're not here. Why? You should be here, helping me, comforting me. I'm not okay, you should be here._

_Why aren't you here?_

_They judge me as if I was __**Judas**__, but my sins aren't that big._

_Are my sins that big?_

_The torture I give others is nothing compared to the torture I give myself all day long. _

_I can hear their cheers, they are afraid of me and yet delighted to see me as I am right now, and it hurts, the humiliation, the pain._

_The __**agony**__._

_They laugh as they see me walking up that hill, with a great wight over my whole body._

_Why aren't you here to help me carry this __**Cross?**_

_This Cross is so big, it has the weight of the pain I've caused, but it also has the weight of the sorrow you caused me._

_You left._

_And now I am here, carrying a Cross made of hate and sorrow, while my body cries as blood runs down and feeds the sand and their hungry souls. _

_They feed of my blood._

_I can't stand this any longer, I can't keep walking, my body aches._

_The Cross is too heavy and you're not here to help me carry it._

_Why?_

_Why aren't you here?_

_I cry again as the whip hits me again, and I wonder, oh I wonder, why aren't you here, why did you left me with this weight?_

_I wonder …why am I still crying for you?_

_You forsake me._

_And now I am crying, carrying this Cross up the hill. And they laugh._

_They laugh._

_Tears of humiliation run down my cheeks from my eyes. But these tears are nothing compared to the tears of sorrow._

_The tears I have shed for you._

_I beg to them to stop hurting me, to stop swinging those whips that hurt me so much. But I have wounded so much other beings with my own whip._

_A whip._

_That's your gift._

_A whip that I use to torture._

_And a Cross._

_A Cross I have to carry up the hill, so I can satisfy them._

_You should be helping me carry the Cross, but you left me with this weight._

_Why aren't you here?_

_I continue with my charade while awake and my torture while sleep and I wonder. Why am I still doing this?_

_Why do I torture them?_

_Because seeing them in pain relieves my own._

_But now I feel how my dry mouth begs for mercy, a mercy I cannot have. _

_Mercy I don't deserve._

_I want water, I want mercy._

_Suddenly, I feel how I am kicked down, and how the Cross is lifted from my back. Then, I found myself lying down._

_Upon the Cross._

_The sun burns my eyes, my mouth is dry, my body is crying crimson tears and my eyes crystalline tears._

_I feel how I am being tied to the Cross._

_And they laugh._

_They laugh as I am being tortured._

_I am naked, with ropes tying me to the Cross, my arms wide, my legs together._

_I am now __**one **__with the Cross._

_Now, the Cross and I are being lifted._

_I can finally see all those creatures laugh as I am __**Crucified**__. _

_My __**Crucifix.**_

_I cry of humiliation as I see them laugh, me tied to the Cross, facing the crowd._

_The sky is red, the sun is hiding._

_And still, you're not here._

_You're not here, not even to laugh at me._

_Then, I feel another whip hit my torso, making me cry in pain._

_I look down, trying to see my aggressor._

_I see no one._

_Another whip hits me._

_Another cry of pain._

_Another roar of laugher._

_And you aren't here, still._

_My torment doesn't seem to end, and the pain doesn't cease, and that isn't fair, I'm just…a kid…_

_Then, another cry of pain comes out of my tormented sore throat, from my dying lips. _

_A Crown made of spines had just been placed over my head, and I can feel the blood coming from the depths of my skin, from my forehead._

_I don't deserve this torture, I beg for mercy._

_But no water, no mercy._

_I cry again as I see them, I'm humiliated._

_Humiliation, that is it._

_And pain._

_And sorrow._

_And agony._

_They all mock me as they see my naked figure get tortured, as the whips hit me, as __the spines cut me, as the blood feeds the thirsty sand._

_Then, the crowd vanished._

_I can hear no more laugher._

_I blinked in surprise._

_Now, all I can see is the desert, and the sleeping sun._

_But I'm still strapped to the Cross._

_Suddenly, I let out another cry of anguish, another cry that penetrated my deaf ears and hurt my sore throat. This time, the cry is louder._

_The pain is worse._

_I look down and saw a river of blood drip from my abdomen, I was just stabbed._

_Stabbed by a __**spear.**_

_In pain, I look down; I need to identify my aggressor._

_I want to._

_I gasp in surprises._

_The one who stabbed me was __**you.**_

_**You.**_

_You are there, laughing at me, with a spear that drips blood on your hold._

_And I cry again, I cry because it still hurts me._

_Wait._

_It's not you…_

…_It's __**me**__…_

_This time, I look like you._

_I'm my own torturer._

_I see you laughing at me._

_I see me laughing at me._

_And I cry out of humiliation, sorrow and pain._

_Your laugher pierces my deaf ears._

_I close my eyes and feel the sun still burning me, the laugher still mocking me, the tears begging for mercy._

_And it came._

_Suddenly, the silhouettes are gone._

_My wounds are not there._

_The blood disappeared._

_The crown disappeared._

_You disappeared._

_Why?_

_Suddenly, I feel myself __**waking up.**_

_I'm in my bed, in my room. I'm alive._

_I feel tears build up in my eyes._

_My hands and feet numb under the blankets._

_My heart in sorrow._

_I want to move but I can't._

_I feel the sheets covered by sweat and pee._

_But I don't care._

_Because, it doesn't matter if it was a __**dream.**_

_Today, I will torture them again._

_So I can torture myself when I sleep._

_Because, even if the crowd is gone._

_The blood is gone._

_The desert is gone._

_The crown is gone._

_The whips are gone._

_The __**Cross**__ is still there._

_Sleep or awake, I carry __**It**__._

_And tomorrow night, it will be the same again._

_I will __**Crucify **__myself again._

_Because, even if I am in pain, in the Cross._

_You're there._

_I torture them so I can torture myself in my sleep._

_Because, you're there to __**stab**__ me every night._

_Every night I __**Crucify**__ myself. _

_And I like it._

_Because I see you there, at the end._

_Why aren't you here?_

_But…you are here…_

_**You're the Cross.**_

_I carry you all day long, all night long._

_Every night, the crowd is the same, the whips are the same, the desert is the same, the spear is the same, the crown is the same._

_The __**Cross **__is the same._

_And I will close my eyes and let myself be Crucified, because you're there._

_I will close my eyes only to see you again._

_**You're the Cross.**_

_**You're my Cross.**_

_**Osamu.**_


End file.
